connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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