I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize