I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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