I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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