So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize