News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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