I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize