I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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