i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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