Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am mentally ready for anal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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