When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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