**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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