best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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