Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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