I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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