So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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