If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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