so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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