Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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