Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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