You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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