when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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