You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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