So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pants are for mortals
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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