Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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