saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize