just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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