Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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