This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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