Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize