Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize