Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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