I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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