Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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