Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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