He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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