Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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