I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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