i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize