I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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