He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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