just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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