I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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