Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize