then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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