I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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