just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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