I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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