i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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