There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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